Bullying, Who's the Real Bully?

Haven't been able to sleep. Their are so many things on my mind. I've just found out my oldest son is being bullied. No let me correct myself, has been bullied since school started. Wow, I didn't expect that. We are now in March, with less than three more months of school, and I am just finding this out. The reason I'm just finding out, is the offender used force on my son, and I was called to the school. I can't believe I am calling a student an offender, but that is the name they are given, when they decide to bully other people. I must admit, and I know I'm wrong, but my first instinct was to give the other child a good ole butt spanking, but that's not my child, and I wouldn't be any better than the offender, if I put my hands on him. First let me say, I don't condone bullying, because I was bullied in school. I was bullied from elementary school, up until I graduated from high school, now I have to deal with one of my sons being bullied. Most parents don't want to see their children go through the same experienced, they went through. Especially if it was a bad experience. I know first hand, what it feels like. Upset, depressed, close mouthed, when asked how school is from anybody. Trying to laugh it off with the other students, as though I'm fine with the name calling. Trying to fit in. I've dealt with all of it when I was in school, so I know what he is going through. My first concern was why didn't he say something, when I asked him everyday if he is being bullied. I don't know why I had concerns about that, call it mother's intuition, call it whatever you want, but deep down inside I knew something wasn't right with my child. I'm very involved with every aspect of my kids life. Numerous times I've sat down with my son, and watch Youtube videos of kids being bullied, and explained to my son how wrong bullying is, and what I had to go through when it was done to me. This breaks my heart just writing about it. I'm crying and remembering everything I went through, and so so sorry my son has to go through the same thing. Most parents wants to protect his/her child/children, when something like this happens, but it's tearing me up to know he has to walk in my foot steps, because some people get off on downgrading others. I've always told my kids, if they can't come to me with some of there problems, go to any family member and talk about it. "Don't hold it in," I would constantly tell them. When I sat my son down, and asked him what was the definition of bullying, I understood why he didn't say anything. He found the offender's constant name calling, an annoyance, more than he felt it was bullying. I had to explain to my son, he was being bullied, and what bullying was. Now this is one of the questions I have for my self, "Did I drop the ball, because my son did not recognize he was being bullied?" Another question, "When did it come to a point where some of our kids, are labeled as offenders, when they are only nine, ten, and eleven year old's?" When the school called me to let me know the offender had used forced on my child, I asked the school to set up a school meeting with the offenders parents. Now this is the part where I had a big problem with. The school DENIED me a meeting. I took every avenue I could think of, to meet this boy's parents, and after five days, and leaving my name and number with complete strangers, the offenders mother called me. She had no idea this was going on. The school down played it to her, when I took it very seriously. I really didn't get any remorse from her when speaking to her, and since I didn't get any remorse, I told her her apology was not acceptable. I asked her if she could tell her son to stay away from my son, and stop the name calling. I had to let this parent know, what her son was doing to my son, was bullying.  I can say we did not argue with each other. We listened to each other, said what we had to say, and that was it. My main purpose in speaking with the parents, was to find out a little bit about the child. I don't know if he's having family problems, and he's taking it out on my son. I don't know if he's going through emotional problems. The offenders mother stated how she's working and she's having problems with her boss. I don't know if he's hearing, or seeing something in his mother, and taking his mother's frustrations out on my son. I don't know. Now I need to ask another question, "Why didn't the school set up a meeting?" Never got an answer from them. I took matters into my own hands, and went online and filled out a Anti-Bullying Form on behave of my son, seeking a full investigation. Do I expect much to come of this? No. And this is sad. For me to feel this way, and I'm sure I'm not the only parent this has happened to, but to know not to expect anything to be done about this, it's sad. I feel as though I have to choose between a education for my kids, or their safety. My worries now, is the safety of my kids, when I drop them off at school. For my oldest son's school, the whole middle school, only has two security guards. When did having security at schools now become a necessity? Because when my son was assaulted, their was no security guard around. Every teacher who knows my son, complemented me on how smart, and well mannered my son is, and that's good and all, but what happens if my son is seriously injured. I send my son to school to learn, and I'm more fearful each day he's there. I make sure my cell phone is charged, and keep it by my side every second. Wondering. Hoping everything is okay.
There are so many questions, I need help with.
When will it stop?
Why my child? Why any child, has to go through this?
Did I make the right choice, by reaching out to the offenders parents?
Why do I have to choose between an education for my son, or his safety?
Do every school have an Anti-Bullying Program for those who are being bullied?
How do we as parents help those who don't have someone to talk to about this?
There are too many questions.
To all the parents out there, please please be involved in your child's life. It's so important. You might help save your child's life, and another life.

Be good, and kind to one another.